Some jokes About the Things Galleries and Curators Say That Make Artists Question Reality.
Sometimes the art world doesn’t feel like a sophisticated scene of cultured minds, it feels like a full-on circus.
There are the ringmasters (curators), the acrobats (artists), and of course, the tent landlord (well… you know who they are).
Here are a few “greatest hits” from the clown show that keeps the art world entertaining.
That being said there are many great and ethical galleries and Curators that I have worked with, and I love you all.
The “Supportive” Fee Philosophy.
I am not against paying a small fee to participate in exhibitions if there is true value in it.
1. “We’re passionate about supporting emerging artists! Just a small participation fee of $3,000.”
Wow. It is more like me supporting your space rental.
2. “It’s a prestigious opportunity, and yes, the wall space is billable.”
Great. I’ll just rent my own success, thank you.
3. “Participation fees ensure commitment.”
True – especially from the artists who pay, not the organisers who cancel. Just encountered one.
4. “We believe in equality. Every artist pays the same.”
Equal exploitation for all. How progressive.
5. “Think of it as an investment in your future.”
Sure. I’ll invest in your electricity bill while I’m at it.
Curator’s “Wisdom” Corner
6. “Try painting something more sellable.”
Translation: can you please be original… just like everyone else?
7. Paint big then you will become successful and credible: maybe you can buy me more paints and canvas…ohhh…please throw in some free storage space as well while you are at it. Also ensure you put words where your mouth is….I am still waiting for success.
8. “Don’t make art for money, but your prices are too low.”
Ah, the art world, where logic takes a vacation.
8. “Collectors love blue. Add more blue. ”
I see. Creativity now comes in primary colours.
9. “We love artists who are versatile… but please stick to one style.”
Got it. Be free, but only within this 2×2 box. I love it!!!
10. “It’s not rejection. It’s curation.”
Oh, of course. And being ghosted is just modern communication. Curation is just a “fancier” term for rejection.
11. “Trust and follow me! I will guide you to become successful.” Ya Right! Show me your own success first before you go around mentoring others. Sorry, I do not want to be a clown.
The Fine Print of False Opportunities
12. “Please pay us now so that you will be considered in the exhibition.” Pay-for-participation means you pay first just to be considered. It’s like buying a ticket to a raffle where your prize is maybe a rejection email. I should just invest in toto.
13. “The gallery is chasing me to pay for the rent, so I need you, the artist, to pay me first so that I can secure the space to do my vanity show. But that does not guarantee that you will be selected.” Wow, since when do artists become financiers for poor curators. Maybe I should be banker instead of an artist.
14. “Curator A is doing this pay-for-participation, so I (curator B) do it too” one of the many reasons they give artists for getting artists to fund their space rental way before the artists are selected to participate…well done!
15. “Bring all your family and friends to my exhibition, get them to buy your painting. I want a sell-out exhibition. We win together. ” This is double WOW…I wonder who is the winner. Hmm…so I (the artist) need to pay you a fee to exhibit and a commission for sales, plus give you all my contacts..I might as well sell direct to my contacts saving all the fees and commissions to you. Sorry…I am not a fool nor a clown.
16. Relating to 15: “You can only be successful if your family and friends buy from you.” Well….applies only if they buy at your show…stop gaslighting.. artists are not fools.
The Prestige Illusion
17. “Sorry you are rejected because you are associated with an “inferior” gallery, therefore you are deemed inferior too.” Behind the evil mask, “And ….thanks for handing me your money earlier so that I could rent the space first to potentially bring in “better” artists”. Wow wow!! So you slam others to hide the real reason why an artist is rejected…incredulous and unbelievable! You really think you are better than others.. sorry, your behaviour says otherwise.
18. “We’re different from other galleries — we truly care about artists.”
And by care, they mean bill.
19. “You’re too good for smaller shows, but not quite ready for ours.”
Welcome to Limbo: the waiting room of lost artists.
20. “We curate relationships, not just art.”
Translation: we pick our friends.
21. “We don’t do politics.”
Except the kind that decides who gets the good walls.
22. “We believe in art for humanity.”
Humanity must have a PayNow account, then.
23. “You need to protect your brand, don’t participate in exhibitions in furniture stores and cafes.” Err….ok….I cannot pay bills by branding alone. Are you going to pay my bills?
24. “Prestigious” Exhibitor is threatened by your art collective because you are so great.” Another of your boot licking. This is just an excuse for excluding artists from major shows by these “prestigious” exhibitors but still want to keep you warm to fund their small shows. Stop lying…why would an international exhibitor be threatened by small local art collectives…pls wake up your idea. Who is more threatened by independent collectives…ask yourself. Rise up independent collectives!
25. “I’ll bring you international!” Ya Right! Say it when you are selling a lot internationally, not just bringing you to some small art camps. Don’t get me wrong, I love art camps. They are fun and you get to learn and network with other artists.
26. “Ooooo…You are so talented. Would love you to be part of my exhibition.” I know….I know….you need to open my wallet so that you can rent space for your Prestigious show. Stop pandering!
27. “Other galleries are envious of my show!” Yes yes… I believe you…not. Stop digging into my wallet to feed your ego. True art does not need self-glorification.
The Moral of the Circus
The art world is a beautiful mess. Between the fake elites, inflated egos, lies and “admin fees,” it’s easy to lose faith, but every clown show teaches something. It sharpens your instinct, your boundaries, and your sense of humour.
So laugh, learn, and walk past the circus tent with grace.
Because true art doesn’t need permission or a payment portal. I thank the universe for sending these clowns as a crash course for avoiding clownship in future.
Just be aware and discern who to trust. I refuse to be one of the acrobats in a circus! Please share more jokes in the comments below. I would love to be entertained.
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