I am finding my way back to art, but if I am honest, I am still unsure.
What happened last year left a mark on me. I did not expect to encounter so much dishonesty, inflated egos, and behaviour that borders on narcissism within the art world. Perhaps I was naive. I always believed that artists were a different kind of people. Open, accepting, and grounded in a deeper awareness. I thought that good art comes from openness of heart and mind.
But after going through these experiences, I have come to realise that artists are, after all, still human.
Art is a difficult path. Many are navigating uncertainty, instability, and the pressure to survive. Some behaviours I witnessed, though difficult to accept, may come from a place of lack. A lack of money, opportunities, or validation. In response, some try to project success before they truly feel it. But underneath, there is often a quiet sense of insecurity. And no matter how it is presented, that sense of desperation can be felt.
I have also come across perspectives that I do not agree with. I was once told not to share my vulnerabilities or struggles as an artist, that it is “negative.” But I do not see it that way. To me, sharing both the highs and lows is what makes us human. It is honest, and it creates real connection.
There are also those who carry a strong sense of grandiosity, believing they are above others, offering unsolicited advice or criticism. I have learnt to recognise this and to step away from such energy.
Through all this, I have come to a clearer understanding. Making money from art is not easy, and it should not be the only reason to pursue it. I am fortunate that I do not have to depend on art for survival. That gives me space to approach it differently.
The truth is, I still do not fully know why I am drawn to art. There is no clear answer yet. Perhaps it is something I am still searching for. Perhaps it is a calling that will reveal itself along the way.
For the past three months, I stepped back. I stayed away from the art world and focused on other parts of my life. Building my finance startup with my partners, deepening my yoga practice, and studying yoga therapy. In many ways, it was a period of healing.
And I am glad I gave myself that time.
Now, I am slowly returning. Not with certainty, but with a quiet willingness to try again.
I do not know exactly where this path will lead. But I hope to regain the momentum of creation, to reconnect with what drew me to art in the first place, and to move forward in a way that feels true to me.
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